miss childish

cried my eyes out today...
just had this moment of utter helplessness...
and i just was so tired.
so tired of always giving giving giving...
what have i not given to the ones i love?

not that im being calculative, or that it all wasn't sincere..
i realized it's just second nature to me..to be more satisfied giving others than to get things for myself.
but sometimes..
you just wonder..when will you receive?
when can i sit back and stop giving?
probably never.

do i sound childish? maybe i am.
maybe all this while, all my previous relationships never worked out cause i'm just too damn difficult.
i always drive them away perhaps.

so thinking bout all this, i just couldn't take it and i cried and cried...
didn't help that i probably am having PMS.
sorry jeevan i got so upset with you.
it's just me.

i wouldn't understand why any guy would wanna be with me.

coming home!

i'm going back home for summer!
it was all so sudden, i really wasn't planning to. the idea was to bask in the aussie summer sun and go on road trips to my heart's content.
but suddenly mum changed her plans and instead of coming here, she asked me to go back and fetch her!!
so i'll be going back singapore, spend some time there and coming back to sydney with mummy.
yippee..
i miss the cats so damn much.
i need to kiss those furry devils. aargh.
yay yay!
so all i need to do is finish these goddamn assignments, do the exams and whoosh!
so any of you back in singapore who want anything, let me noe!

speaking of assignments, me and aisyah pretty much finished our specialised radiography essays! you have no idea what a huge burden the damn thing was for 9 weeks.
good news, we got a great grade for our ethics essay!
digital imaging mid sem test, which is really really the scariest subject, went pretty alright too.

but the biggest hurdles are yet to come...
finals.
50 percent weightage written exams.

oh well. nothing can burst my happy bubble for now!
*skips

baking spree

i am on a roll here.. guess i just grew tired of the 2 weeks or so of
junk food and no proper meals.
i cooked rendang chicken yest, and the mamak style cabbage and minced meat.
oh glorious. it was so yummy.
then today! it just struck me that i missed eating those salty biscuits
from Popeye's chicken.
so i googled the recipe, went down to the shops to get various stuffs, and voila!
50 lovely fluffy biscuits for me and my other fat girls to enjoy. hehe..

i guess i use cooking as a way to fill my time and keep me happy..
we don't have tv in the house..and we rarely go out.
so besides studies and assignments, i gotta keep smiling right?

miss the family...hardly hear from them these days..
guess everyone is busy. or they just forgot me. most probably yea.
haven't received a single thing from home in the mail...
oh well...

think ill just go sleep.

kena tagged, tak boleh tag.

okay upon syaz's insistence, since i was" tagged" i have to do this. basically you just have to answer the questions by doing a google image search, take a picture from the first page of results, do it with minimal explanation.

1.My age on my next bdae
2.A place i like to travel
3. My fav place


4. My fav food 5.My fav colours


6. My fav piece of clothing

7.My fav song

8.My fav tv show9.The first name of my significant other/ crush
10. The town in which i'm staying in

11.My screen name/nickname


12. My first job


13. My dream job


14. A bad habit i have
hahahhaa..... don't ask me what.


15. My worst fear
16. The one thing i'd like to do before i die.

17.The first thing i'll buy if i have $1 million


18. Time i took to complete thisalamak.... so tedious!!

mumbles in the night

it is now bout 12.20 am on a sat night...or sunday morning... still can't sleep, and have to sahur soon anyways...so i might as well stay up and ponder bout life.

dad called today, telling me bout how Baby is missing me. truth is i think daddy's missing me more. haha... miss the family and the comfort of coming home to a wave of noisy kitties. the kittens are probably all fat and huge now. realized i will be missing out on alot...

but it's not like i'm homesick or anything, the girls are pretty much like family. but everything is still surreal...and sometimes while walking the now familiar pavements down East street to school, or guildford road back home, i have to remind myself i'm in australia and will be here for another ten months. guess the the theory of the grass is always greener on the other side is true. before i left, the idea of being here was all so exciting, now that i am here...meh. it becomes normal and quite boring. goodness...so hard to please. haha..

haven't been feeling well recently...spring is here!! but so is the heat. bad combination..fasting and walking around in the midday heat... got a mild heatstroke that left me with bad unbearable head pains and vomitting. as aisyah says..." you've got a weak constitution ah.." hahha.. okaylah fine i get sick often!! no need to step medical can? haha...

i keep wondering what working life will be like when i get back... looking forward to it actually. earning money, being a professional( or perhaps semi professional as edwina our ethics, law and professional practice lecturer says....) and mostly...just crossing that line, that makes me a full fledged adult. waaah....seri's all grown up.

okay gotta stop rambling. shit i need to do sumthing!!! so freaking bored. and i miss the cold!! 2 months of huddling under the blanket at night, now ive got the window wide open and i think i could sleep naked if i wanna. hmm...can still hear trains rumbling , reminds me of the good ol MRT. oh dear..could it be i miss singapore!?!

nah. hahha...

uhm.just the people in it of course. haha...

i'm being random, not spontaneous.

i caught the random bug. i no longer use the word spontaneous to describe sudden outbursts of improper, out of place or awkward humour...it's called being random. hence dewi = random. thanks to aisyah for pointing that out.

though we have our lil tiffs and tensions...i am honestly glad to be living with the three nutcases. it's like i suddenly am surrounded by sisters who love, tease, annoy, infuriate...sometimes in lethal combis.

i would prolly go insane right now without em. oh wait maybe i already am.

life in sydney has come to some kind of numb hiatus. assignments are so... i wouldn't call em tough!?! cause chances are we already know what the answers are... but it's all so annoying to do. everything is done in groups and honestly...how do 9 ppl write ONE freaking essay?!

no going out for now... it's time to get down to business. wait what was that again? oh yea.

study.

i miss the beloved. he got sent home for 4 days , thanks to a high fever.

not that high lah...stop being a baby. though i do find your random mumblings so adorable whenever you're sick. so much for being a tough man. ha ha... now that all we have are our phone convos, i appreciate the lil things you say even more.

beloved:i'm sick lah baby...whimpers*

me:aww poor thing...

silence.....

me: see? never listen right?! SMOKE SOMEMORE!!

beloved: whimpery laugh* what's that got to do with it? don't make me laugh lah...i'm sick.

me: it's got everything to do with it!!you better stop smoking.

beloved: ok darling

me:SAY!!

beloved: ok darling. *snickering

me: ......"-__-

me:you don't stop smoking i'll stuff it up your arse.

beloved: but you'll have to be here to do that right?

me:ya.so?

beloved: okay then i'll smoke sumore.

me:....""-_____-

fasting month

It's that time of the year again...no not christmas... fasting month. Feels weird actually, fasting here. The atmosphere is nothing like in Singapore hence it just feels like a looong torturous daily diet. The searing Aussie heat plus starving yourself isn't a very good combi.

oh well.

Roughly a month to go before my 22nd birthday...

It's gonna be lonely. Not that my birthdays in Singapore have been all the rage anyways! haha..

School work is piling up.

Actually that's the main cause of my depression these days.

Digital Imaging is a huge fat mystery, the specialised rad essays are weighing me down... at least ethics is done. Or at least half of it.

Oh bugger, now i feel like going home.

Guess i gotta suck it up and throw my all into work now.

Go dewi go...