and it has begun..

school started yesterday...i am taking 4 modules this sem..only have school 4 days a week!

things i am beginning to notice in an australian uni? the students talk and talk and talk and the lecturer pretty much doesnt give a damn and rattles on in a goddamned accent which is hard to understand to begin with.

learning is self directed, you're on your own and it's scary but at the same time...

i'm looking forward to it!

the house we are staying in is great! brand new house, good neighbourhood,

and i got a sexy sofa bed! hehe...

am getting used to waking up to the sight of my reflection in the huge ass mirror

all curled up in my sheets, with the great aussie sunlight filtering through the blinds above my head.

temperatures dip to a low of 7 degrees most days and as a result my skin looks like utter crap, but hey it's all part of the experience i guess.

the girls i must say have been very very great. i wouldn't wanna be staying with anyone else.

it's almost like having three mums in the house!

what sucks here tho is internet, i don't understand why they cant make it unlimited!!

speaks heaps of their IT infrastructure i tell you.

okay till next time!

sydney!

okay i only have 8 mins left on the guest computer so ill make this snappy. im here finally in sydney, staying on campus temporarily...so yay! things r super great here, weather is very cold but so so beautiful. the birds are gorgeous, the landscape so refreshing....i LOVE IT here. but of course i miss ppl back home.. dont worry kiddos ill be back in a year! okay i better go now. something bout the weather too, makes me shit often. hahah!

at the edge

wow. this is it, the end of june.

tomorrow will mark only 4 days to my departure to Sydney to start a brand new life

as an undergraduate, and live with housemates!

as always, the same thing happens.

i spend months looking forward to going overseas,

the excitement builds and builds..

and poof.

when i reach the time, the excitement dies and all i feel is..

something a lil like this.

*sound of crickets*

cause the bullshit starts becoming obvious,

you worry about a million and one things,

and there will always be people or situations to make things so unpleasant.

mark my words.

....

hema came over today and she helped me pack everything!

so i'm done packing, but one small prob.

i really truly am positive i've exceeded 30 kg.hahah!

so mum has taken out the damn heavy books

and will be sending em by DHL.

it still is slightly over 30 kg i believe...

oh well.

surrender.

i give up the fight. totally give up.

today i'm going to the doctor to start on the pills again.

yea yea i know, side effects etc etc.

but i have no choice.

it's one thing to accept who you are and try and live with it.

i can't.

so i'll never stop until i change how i look.

that aside, it's 8 freaking days to departure.

all i've done is to take my bags and clean em of cat fur

and put em by the corner for me to admire.

all empty of course.

going shopping for clothes with mum and Syaz today.

first time in days that i' m stepping out.

don't have the fun popular life like my other friends...

oh well.

story of my life.

time to dig around for happiness.again.

wishlist

on my wishlist right now, is the dancing Hidamari No Tami, the solar powered desk toy that shakes its hips. hehe...i wanna have it on my desk in Australia...to keep me happy and amused.

zoolympix madness.

i completed my second and final day of volunteering for the zoolympix event earlier today,

with minimal glitches...

me and aisyah battled lil tiny tots and mozzies to inject some excitement to the game station.

i tell you. feigning enthusiasm is hard to do.

i had to plaster on a tireless smile and explain the rules of the game like 20000 times and go YAAAAY!!! everytime a kid completes the obstacle course. aiyo. can die.

...

.....

moral of the story. dewy does not do well with kids.

give me snarling baboons anyday.

and as my dear dear funny friend padma illustrated during the debrief,

the most annoying thing the kiddos did repeatedly was whine,

"mummy i don wanna DOOOOO...!!"

..

....

hahaha..i'll miss you padma, yup and your moneymakers too!

mwax!

plans for tmr: Anderson reunion pic-o-nic at Sembawang Park! can't wait to meet my girls Fiqa and Farizah. The only two ppl who can really.really.make me laugh..

last night.

i had a dream last night.

it was so real, i cried in my sleep..

and was so thankful when i woke up.

i dreamt it happened again,

that i had lost everything.

that pride and anger got in the way,

and we forgot what love was.

i dreamt you were leaving,

and i was begging you to stay.

you would not budge,

and your eyes were so cold.

my heart had stopped,

at the fear that gripped me.

does this mean,

it shall happen again?

i woke up to sunshine,

and your love flooded back..

i reached for a way to hold on to you.

then i stopped.

i thought.

what if all this..

was only temporary?

now i'm writing this..

and the dream still feels so real.

though i shall smile and pretend..

deep inside..

i sow the seed of doubt and hurt.

and wait.

for the end to grow.