camping adventures

okay updates updates!!

i went ubin for camping over the xmas hols...and i tell you. it was damn eventful.

sis and sunder went there first tuesday morning to chope a spot while i waited for jeevan to book out of camp. sis called me later on to tell me that the water supply at the Nordin Beach campsite was cut!!so the plan was me and jeevan wld bring loads of bottled water.

i waited and waited and finally jeevan booked out only at 8PM!? mum and dad were so kancheong spider and mum gave me a whole bunch of holy stuff, including a nail which she stuffed in my hair bun! to ward off you know who.with my huge ass backpack i took a cab to his place to help him pack quickly and as soon as we did we headed out towards the MRT station cause he wanted to draw money and buy ciggies. and on the way there wld you believe it the plastic strap holder thing on the backpack BROKE. im never trusting anything from Paddy's market again.

so jeevan did some fancy knot to keep the bag together and THEN i realized we had forgotten out bloody ass TENT!

so jeevan ran all the way back to his place to get it and we took a cab to changi village. by then it was already ten pm or so. upon reaching there, we bought water and waited for the ferry. so the deal about ubin ferries is its 24hrs but it only departs with 12 passengers or you'll have to pay 30 bucks to charter the boat. me and jeevan were seriously considering just camping out at the ferry terminal. by then i swear it felt like Amazing Race.

and all this while my sister and sunder kept on messaging or calling i wanted to throw my phone away man. it was so annoying to have to rush around and still report my every movement.

sunder was worried cause apparently there wld be no taxis in ubin by the time i was arriving.

and me and jeevan smartly thought there might still be bike shops open. jeez.

so my sis negotiated with one taxi driver to pick me and jeevan up at the jetty at 11pm for 20 bucks.

FINALLY we got on the bumboat, just two of us and the driver of course.

it was kinda romantic and exciting, heading out in total darkness.

we arrived to one pitch black ubin. i tot there might be like streetlights!?

the taxi van was waiting there and we got in and off we went to Nordin beach.

and just when i tot that was it....

along the pitch black road..suddenly ahead of us were a couple of bright spotlights flashing signalling the van to stop. as we drew nearer we saw this two guys with bicycles...

AND A HUGE ASS PYTHON stretched across the road!!

the night could not get anymore exciting.

and i mean HUGE!! even the taxi driver was shocked. one of the guys was taking pictures of the snake while the other was saying something to the taxi driver.

the snake would not budge even with a van threatening to run over it!

the taxi driver started to slowly nudge the body of the snake with the front tyres again and again while i stuck my head out the window and came face to face with its huge head.

of course i was promptly dragged back in by Jeevan...lol.

the two guys were from NUS doing some research..god knows what research requires you to cycle around ubin in the pitch blackness but i guess they got some story to tell!

finally the snake moved..and we arrived safely at the beach.

we set up our tent with only a few torchlights to guide us...and after a while it begun to rain.

and it rained...

and rained...

the whole.freaking.night.

and i woke up to puddles IN THE TENT.

thanks carrefour for such amazing quality tents.

it rained pretty much the whole day so we could not do much.

plus the beach was very clayey..so swimming in it wasnt too comfortable. but me and jeevan did anyways!

me and jeevan woke up in the middle of the night with a stomach ache and ghost or no ghost we went to the toilet. i went to the guys toilet of course, there was no way i was gonna go alone to the girls toilet.

and i had seriously bad diarrhea.

hahah...

and i could not shit under pressure so i chased jeevan out of the toilet after he was done, and asked him to wait at the entrance. LOL... I seriously cant shit with someone around nearby!

we went back to camp and i started vomitting and stuffs...

and i was super ass cranky.

so jeevan spent the rest of the night rubbing oil on my tummy until i fell asleep till like 9am.

i have to give it to him...he was damn patient with me. im not the easiest of persons especially when my stomach is acting up...

we eventually left camp at around 5 and brought back loads of kerang..

mum and dad cleaned and boiled it..cooked it in sambal. it was so fresh and yummy...

all in all it was a good outing..think i might go back there again someday..

till then...

4 MORE DAYS TO SYDNEY! siiigh...

oh no..

another day, another fight.
yesterday i thought things were alright between us but another fight happened during dinner.
i really was on the verge of throwing my hands in the air and going AARGH!
i really could not understand what was UP with him.
a friend of mine is also going through problems with her guy.. so it's kinda apt that we both contact each other often talking and trying to explain stuff.
here's the deal.
we discovered that guys are just...absolutely HORRIBLE at multi-tasking.
ask em to shift gears, depress clutch, steer and manouvre WHILE peeing im sure they could do.
but when it comes to handling a girl, plus issues in their lives such as money or other crisis...
nope they suck at it.
often i see how when a guy goes through a rough patch, and feels helpless...
they exercise control over the only thing that they can. the girl.
and usually the sacrificial lamb is the relationship.
so girls beware when yr man is faced with a crisis.
the first one to get the axe might be you.

in my case, it's him trying to deal with me having to leave again come january 3rd.
to me, i feel this month i had in singapore, is more than i could ask for
and am absolutely thankful for every moment here with him.
the initial plan was not to come back at all for summer.
so whatever i had here, im taking with me to sustain my next 7 months.
but apparently, as he explained yesterday night..
he's made up his mind about something important,
and he was checking to see if i was on the same page as him, and apparently i was not showing the right amount of reciprocity.
add to the fact im leaving, he was looking for something concrete to hold on to
and it seemed i was not giving it.

sooo...
what do i do.
when i feel im giving my all.
and apparently it's not enough.

i go for a session at the hair salon, that's what.

haha...
i've got blonder hair!
hehehe...

back to kampong days.

me and jeevs, sis and sunder went to ubin yesterday to check out the place before our camping trip next week.
we went first to changi village to have nasi lemak, then we took the boat there.
it was my first time at ubin!
we rented bicycles and off we went to nordin beach. me and sis were having a hard time with the upslopes and ended up pushing our bicycles.
lol...
nordin beach is really small! but it looks like a nice cozy place, provided there wont be any other campers around while we're there next week.
the scenery and everything looks exactly like the area of Sedili, where my holiday house in johor is.
so in my excitement of finally being in ubin and doing outdoorsy stuffs, i guess i kinda ignored jeevan while cycling.
and that was it.
out of nowhere after the trip and we reached changi again in the evening, i sensed he was a lil off.
and we got into a huge fight.
for the first time in our relationship i was actually thinking this is it.
the beginning of the end.
here's where the stupid fights start, the endless quarrels, and the total mismatch in personalities rears its ugly head.
i really honestly could not understand why he was so upset and was so caught off guard by his reaction. i'm so used to guys who expect me to have a degree of independence, and who would prefer a non-latchy girl. but here he is, a guy who has a prob with me walking ahead of him and not being by his side always.
and this isnt the first time a similar issue arose.
i was kinda cheesed off to be honest.
but after hours of silence,then fights, then making up, then silence again...
i went home that night and thought about it.
and i felt really bad.
im so used to my friends or my sis or whoever we are hanging out with, i assumed he would be comfortable with them too and assimilate just as well.
i didnt think bout how lonely or left out he must have felt cycling alone at the back.
sigh...
sorry dear. won't happen again, promise.

vroooom vrooom

YAY! i finally drove on real roads today.
dad woke up from his nap in the evening and asked if i wanted to go driving.
so i thought it was gonna be like the last time, where he drove somewhere quiet and i would take over the wheel.
instead when i stepped out of the house he handed me the keys!
wahahha!!
i was scared at first, but i thought what the hell.
and i drove.
tho of course i made the cardinal sin of not putting on my seat belt! hahah!!
only realized it while i was driving out the carpark.
soon i got the hang of it.
and boy.
it feels damn good.
nothing like driving, or being in control of a speeding machine to give you such a high.
i always tot a moving car was the sexiest thing ever.
BUT.
when it comes to my boyfriend, i would like him to ride a motorbike.
i guess it's cause first of all i get car sick easily as a passenger.
but most importantly i think a guy on a motorbike is the sex.
and i love the wind in my hair as i hug him and we cruise.
okay back to mrts and buses for now.

tick tock

i am right now sitting downstairs at the dining table, with my lappie.
didnt occur to me that i could hang out anywhere with my comp. haha..
okay that was a random thought. ignore it.
anyways, mum and i were looking through the stupid adverts that they have on warna?! like essentially yours and herba crap or another. mum wants to buy me yet another slimming product.
sigh.
i have no objections cause face it, i do wanna be slimmer.
but. it does frustrate me sometimes.
i stop and think of it, and i realize...i don't eat anymore than the average person.
it's not like im sitting in one corner with ten plates of fried chicken or something.
in fact i usually cannot finish the usual servings when i eat out.
yesterday i went to meet jeevan at IMM cause he had night's out. we had dinner
at swensens and i could hardly finish my fish and chips. by then end of it i seriously needed to puke.
and i wake up each morning feeling quite..bleurgh. i'm not hungry at all.
i eventually just eat something during lunch time and it lasts me till night. then ill nibble on something else at night and that's it.
so i do NOT understand why i'm fat.
but if there's some miracle pill out there that can make me feel better then i'll take it.
but on the bright side! i am losing the weight i gained back in sydney.
my tummy isnt so damn huge anymore.
but i guess it has helped, that jeevan has not stopped loving everything bout me despite my horrid weight gain.
which is exactly why i'm trying to lose the weight. cause i think he deserves a hot girlfriend for being so patient with his now un-hot girlfriend. haha..
i miss him alot these days maybe cause i know im leaving again for 7 months this time.
anything can happen.
didnt help that his ex girlfriend called recently, OBVIOUSLY wanting a reconcilation.
sigh. so who knows.
while i'm away the cat might play.
though if he hears this i'll get a hell of a nagging for not trusting him enough.
it's not that i dont trust him..i just don't trust men. they are such volatile creatures with weird and sudden personality changes.
one minute you're the centre of their universe, the next they're taking out their bad moods on you and suddenly the hot lovable gorgeous perfect girlfriend becomes a deadweight they wanna lose. like guy ritchie and madonna. so many so called perfect couples are splitting up.
madonna and guy. shania twain and her hubby (NOOOO...) and now rumour has it even jennifer lopez and mark anthony. if that GORGEOUS woman who just bore her husband perfect twins has marriage problems..what luck do i have in keeping my man?!! haha...
anyways. the issue of kids came up yesterday during dinner cause there were a bunch of noisy boisterous kids next to us..and i just blurted out that i hated kids. its true anyways.
and jeevan was like what excuse me?
and so he has this huge problem with me hating kids cause he wants to have a billion probably.
eurgh.
and he said couldn't you even pretend to like kids?
whaaa!?
NO.
i will not pretend that i do NOT prefer the companionship of lovely animals like cats and dogs to that of noisy, obnoxious, rude, NOISY, kids!!
who just grow up to be fucked up adults like all of us ANYWAYS.
fine i will eventually procreate cause it's all heartwarming and shit..but to entertain the antics of kids? no way. you can find me being the kind of mummy sitting curled up in a chair with my cats and a good book and just ignoring my kid whos screaming for attention.
muahaha...
let my husband do it.

anyways.
jeevan concluded that we both have alot of growing up to do before we can venture into that thing called marriage and kids.
like as if " growing up" will suddenly make me all loving towards kids.
oh whatever. where's my cat. i need some furry hugs and kisses.

memories..

woke up at 5 am yesterday morning feeling so horrible, bad tummy combined with bad nightmares.
so i spent two hours vomitting again and again.
after 4 or 5 times i ran out of fluid to vomit out, although there was still undigested food dying to come out.
so i downed loads of unchilled 7-Up ( my family's cure for tummy upsets) and whooosh!
out it all came.
finally at 7 am i fell asleep next to mummy who had spent some time rubbing oil on my tummy and making jokes.

woke up at noon feeling so damn weak lah!
was supposed to go have dinner with hafiz but by then i was seriously reconsidering it.
but in the end hafiz picked me up, cause he had half day, and off we went to Chai Chee seafood restaurant!
and he was right, the outing did make me feel way better.

the food was so YUMMY! i loved it. it was the first meal since coming back from sydney that absolutely rocked my socks. thaaaanks hafiiiiizzz.....!!
and it was fun hanging out with hafiz again, he made me laugh alot.
i told him i wanted to get Guitar Hero, cause i had played it once and i love it. and anyways i told him, i'm a rockstar.
and that was it.
the whole day he just poked fun at me wanting to be a rockstar till i finally gave up.
FINE! you're the bapak rock.
after lunch we went to AMK hub to buy durian cause my sis forced me to get em for her.
thanks to hafiz's bargaining i got 7 packets for 15 bucks! hehe... i gave 3 pax to him.
the durians were so-so..some were sweet, most weren't very.
all in all it was a super fun day. appreciated hafiz being such a sweetie, treating me to lunch and following me to do the humdrum things like we used to...
it still feels so damn comfortable being around him.
i think i shall adore hafiz for the rest of my life!
mwax mwax!

YAY!

I AM FREEEE!!!

no explanations needed.

i'm liberated and it feels so good.

take THAT sucker.

hehehe...

miss fightercock

went to seoul garden for dinner with jeevs yesterday, it's really such a waste lah for both of us to go for buffets cause we don't eat heaps! after one round of meats i was full! but it was fun sitting there watching people. i would state my theory to jeevan bout random girls and the way they walked. the strutting ones annoyed me, catwalking around and looking at other girls in such a condescending way.. i just eyeballed em back till they got scared and stopped staring. and whatever biatches don't look at me like you're way better cause YOU'RE NOT! and besides i' ve got way nicer boobs if you wanna compete. i actually said all this out loud and jeevan was like "you know what. that's why i love you..you're such a fightercock.."

yea man! FINALLY! someone appreciates my spitfire.

and sitting right next to us were this group of chinese kids and after a while majority of em left, except for these two girls or lians and this one asswipe guy who obviously was staying around to get some brownie points for being seen with 2 so called pretty lians.

so the girls were on one side and the guy sitting across from em, and somehow as far as i could tell, one of the girls was tempting the guy to come sit between em. and the asswipe was grinning away and saying no, and giggling. finally he did and the girls started tickling and poking him... man if my eyes could roll back any further they would. i said to jeevan that it looked like 2 KTV hostesses with an apek. hahaha!

then on closer inspection, cause i really just had to stare at em, jeevs and i went eww cause we noticed her hair! it was all cropped and shaved-like except for this one long thin ponytail jutting out below and a fringe infront. her attempt to look so cool was so wrong cause the cropped part looked baaad and sparse. so i said it looked like a cross between an idiot and a cancer patient. i didn't expect a reply from jeevan cause trust me he usually doesnt comment on anything but he suddenly said "or an idiot recovering from cancer..."

i just laughed out loud...

yup i'm with the right type of guy. mr fightercock himself.

I met up with fiqa and farizah for a supposed breakfast picnic.. so farizah drove over and picked me and fiqa up and off we went to West coast..but not before making several wrong turns and going HUGE rounds just to get to the right place..trust girls and their sense of direction. haha.. by the time we got there i was so uber car sick i threw up in MacDonald's toilet..haha..

so we had breakfast there..eating Ape jam. haha..

then we clowned around the playgrounds, and everytime we would see a weird contraption in the playground and wasn't sure what it was for i would just say 'balancing lah.." hahha...

the two of em then started climbing up the rope thingy like lil monkeys while i sat like mak-mak, holding their bags. we walked around and dipped our feet in the longkang and decided then that West coast park is BORING! haha so we headed off to sentosa!

ya i know how random. we went over to Pahlawan beach and clowned around again. it was fun sitting there making fun of all the idiots we saw in bikinis. esp when this guy started rubbing suntan oil onto the front of this girl's body. we went EWWWW! hahaha... use yr own hands babe. or is it some excuse to be felt up.

we drove over to imbiah to get some ice cream but realized the parking lots were full and only the beach carpark was available but had to pay for parking!?! like wtf.

we gave up and decided to drive over to vivo for lunch, but not before shouting "Go home people!! go home!! sentosa is boriiiing!!" while driving off. lol...

now i know why i didnt go sentosa in like forever. theres absolutely nothing there.

besides a bunch of small tits and big egos flaunting emselves. oh wait no its tanning. ya wait till you get skin cancer. muahaha..

i was supposed to go for dinner and margeritas at cafe iguana with the cousins later that day but by the time i got home i was like ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.....

i fell asleep and when i woke up it was 10 pm!

all in all it was a fun day of driving around with the 2 funniest girls i know.. i've never laughed so hard in such a long time.

yipeee...

lying bastard

i just found out something recently.
that a certain ex of mine is now attached to a certain girl whom i ALWAYS had suspected he still was trying to get even while he was with me.
HAHAHA!
why am i not surprised.
well no i'm not jealous.
no i'm not bitter.
i'm just PISSED i was lied to and taken for a ride.
well to that certain ex i only have this to say.

i've had you.
and no you weren't man enough.
so stop trying to hang around pretending to be friends
and that nothing happened between us when you know the truth.
you're just afraid to piss me off cause you know i can so so ruin your life.

count your lucky stars i want nothing to do with you.
don't make me wanna be the nasty bitch i know i CAN be.
you are the worst kind of person i know,
and definitely my worst mistake.
but then again.
thank god i did make the mistake or I never would have known the real you.

with the sweetest smile of mine i say,
.
.
fuck off.

raya week

i went driving yesterday! finally! actually dad wanted us to go sedili but sister could not find her passport. so dad brought us to pierce reservoir area for me to practice driving. i must say...i hate driving such a huge car!! i can't even see the backside of the car when im parking! and it was quite scary when out of nowhere this oncoming car sped past us . if i had panicked and swerved a little to the right that was it. i would have been dead first. then afterwards we went to eat at Cafeela. i had ice cream prata! yummmm...

monday was hari raya haji so we went over to granny's place in the morning. then lunchtime sunder and jeevan came over. daddy was not home of course. haha..mum served em the usual hari raya yummies like ayam masak merah and rendang.

i took a shot of my uncle's wedding photo while i was at my granny's. i think the photography, make up and hair was great. but you know what..everytime i see pretty minahs like my uncle's wife(no offense), i get kinda scared. call it a phobia if u will. i just have this deep deep fear of whoever im dating or married to, ending up cheating on me with pretty dolled up girls like these. a man is always just a man right? oh well. every guy i dated seemed to end up cheating on me, or liking girls far different from me so ya. i guess it's me. oh whatever.
anyways, after lunch i went over to Jeevan's place where we just slacked and watched movies. We watched the Mummy, and Horton hears a who! hahha.. jeevan's brother walked in the room while we were watching the cartoon and found it damn amusing to see Jeevan watching it. it must be the first non crude cartoon( ie family guy, simpsons) he was watching. he actually enjoyed it! we just could not stop lauging seeing that CUTEASS yellow furball thingy who said " in my world they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies...aaaaaahhhh...."

On sunday hafiz came over to get some sweets i got him from aussie, and he had some lunch too. it was nice seeing him again, i got reminded of how he really made me laugh. but then again, i also got reminded of all the other stuff.. and yea. it hurt all over again. sigh.
anyways, we played with the kitten near my block for a while.. cute right!?

dad painted a picture of me and sister at Jason's Bay at sedili and he was like so secretive about it. then finally he revealed it and i just laughed so hard when i saw he had cut our faces from actual photos and just filled em in the painting!! haha!! so funny lah my dad.

now i am waiting for mummy to finish praying so that i can head out jogging and also accompany her to the shops nearby to buy bubbletea and stuffs. haha. i want durian puff too..come to think of it. i have half a mind to not jog and just go eat some durian puffs. hmm..

looking good..

eventful last week! spent wednesday with the gals at orchard. we had sushi and ayam penyet! yummm... i bought two dorothy perkins jeans, one a size bigger cause i figured since im fatter and all now. ais and syaz were so so opposed to it but did i listen..noooooo. i went back tried it on the next day and it looked like crap. don't get me wrong i DID get fatter but the crotch area was so loose! accentuated further by the fact that it was tight at the thighs onwards, being skinnys. didnt occur to me i could exchange it, cause i did get the second pair at 50 percent off, sale items cant be exchanged right? so the next day i went back to orchard, this time to meet vj and buy a new PHONE!! i love it.

It's the LG Viewty and it's so iPhone-esque it feels so cool. i was actually wondering where the keypad was and wanted to slide it open when i realized it was touch screen! wahaha.. 5m camera, with zoom and perfect video quality. i got mine in baby pink instead of black..time to add colour to my life.

Then on friday dad dropped me off at funan to service the damn HP desktop that has crashed AGAIN. my cousin followed cause she needed to buy an external hard drive. so she bought a 320 GB one from challenger for 181 when we went downstairs at saw it selling at another shop for 149!!!

so my cousin and i went back to challenger, told them about it and i think they sent a spy down to confirm it and voila! we got a full refund! haha...powerrrr..

and i managed to exchange my jeans! yay! make em fit make em fit...

so yesterday i got a call from challenger saying that the mothertootingboard is spoiled and it will cost 149 to replace it. blardie hell.

unexpectedly jeevan called and said he'll book out for a while in the evening until 9pm so i had to move my ass and make my way over to see him. i must say things are looking good cause finally i feel like we are more open with each other and i can tease him to death.

i still am laughing remembering how he asked me to pass him his handphone and i handed it to him, but wanted to swing it back so he couldn't reach it..and ya you can guess wat happened, it slipped out of my hand and crashed against the wall behind me. haha!! his face was priceless, he actually tot i was a jackass who deliberately threw his phone. hehe...

okay! time for a game of spot the cats! try and find the THREE cats in the following picture!

and i came across this pic that made me go oh.my.god. thank goodness i like taking pictures of myself, now i can see my "developments". THIS was how un-fat i once was just like a year back! AAAAAAAARGH. how the hell did i put on so much weight!?

i made a resolution a week back to not stop till i become DAMN HOT. so i've been running twice so far and eating less, and tonight i'll be meeting jeevan for our first healthy activity together! haha... jogging! let's see what kind of a jogging partner my army boy is.

Toodles!

singapore rambling.

Life this past week has been pretty uneventful. Have been going back to sweet ol life in Singapore, enjoying looking out at the tropical thunderstorms. Today i woke up with an urge to just scream out what a freaking beautiful day it is!! Hehe.. well i'm in a more or less good mood.
To summarize the last week..it was my first anniversary with Jeevan. He finally got us couple rings, with our names engraved and all that.Not that the ring itself was so important, but i loved what it meant to him. I cried the night he put it on me..even though it's been a year i still felt like he was proposing the first time. He even booked out of camp just for a few hours so that he could be there for our anniversary. Much much appreciated.

Went to AMK with jeevan and mummy and i bought her a new oven cause hers died. ka-ching! money flew out. haha but i don't mind. money spent on the best ever mum in the world is money well spent. i swear mummy i have never met another lady who works as hard as you do with zero maids, has two grown up kids, takes care of a million variety of pets through her lifetime and still looks as young and gorgeous. i can only wish i'll be like that in the future.

anyways, it was the first time i brought jeevan to hang out with mummy so i was nervous. but it all went great, though it was funny how jeevan kept hugging and kissing me, playing with my hair, infront of her and my mum was fighting a losing battle trying to make him stop. LOL...
but at the end of it when we got home mum said she likes him and he's a very nice boy and that she can tell he sayangs me very much...yaaaay!! tho it was a tad bit weird when mum asked him when the wedding will be. trust mum to say that.

aaaand i finally went JOGGING yest night!! after 5 and a half months! god it felt GOOOD. i went with my sister and sunder. they are the cutest and most amusing couple. really. i could make a sitcom about them. anyways i came back feeling damn great! i think i'll go again tonight.
i taught mummy to watch kekasihku seru on tv3.com.my and there she was until like 1 am in my room tinkering on my laptop watching it until i had to tell her to go sleep!

took some pics on my hp but me being a goondu, left my cable in sydney so i cant upload em. rats. wanted to upload pics of the two kittens sleeping on my mum's sejadah. mum has to have two sejadahs on hand cause they always love to lie on it while she's praying.so she either makes do and works around them, or she gives up and takes another tikar. hahha... mummy has such a soft spot for all my pets.

plans so far..meeting aisyah!! and syaz and vj tmr in town.. a bit lazy lah..but i have to step out sooner or later.need to buy a new pair of jeans too. dad says he'll take to thompson road to take the wheel of the trusty Merc and DRIIIIVEE....finally.and me and sunder and sis have a secret plan to rent a car and head down to sentosa one weekend. me driving of course...muahaha..lets see how that goes.

terrible terrible..

i'm so not feeling well. spent the day at home..feeling really lethargic and sleepy. sweetie sis and sunder bought for me bubble tea and oreo and waffle... felt kinda weird since yesterday but today i guess it all became worse. i'm still sneezing and sneezing from either cat fur or dust or something! to the point that my chest feels so damn congested and i sound like i have TB when i cough.

and my right heel and foot ached so much especially when i walk. and just now sis commented that my feet look swollen..and i didn't even realize it. mum got all worried and she suspects it's some circulation problem. the tingly feeling in my left hand just makes me feel i have some heart disease. oh well... we all gonna die someday. i just hate going to the doctors' so no, i'm not going.

yesterday was spent with jeevan, we went to AMK hub to replace his Ezlink card and then to watch quantum of solace..yaaaawn. i hate going for these "action packed" boring stuff...not to say i love romantic comedies cause half of em piss me off too. i wld much rather madagascar 2, but nooo he insisted on james bond. initially he was being such a sarcastic pig by debating between winx club, beverly hills chihuawa and madagascar...very funny.

then we went to eat at new york new york...food not that great. but at least it has root beer float!

then off he went back to camp...

it will be our first anniversary tomorrow.. not the date we got together tho, more like the day we met..but we just consider it our anniversary cause i swear i don't remember when he proposed..haha..and to top it all off i said yes and then no the following day... and yes again a few days later. i can't help it. i have issues.

but anyways..happy anniversary dear, thanks for a wonderful year. you've been a loyal, loving, supportive boyfriend who's been nothing but gentle and protective.

i appreciate how you never use harsh words with me and how patient you are amidst my tantrums and bad temper. considering what a short fuse you have as well ( yr broken nose and displaced jaw will vouch for that) i am amazed at what a gentle lil puppy you are with me.

i know this relationship has every chance of working out or not, to have its screw ups or amazing moments or ending in happily ever after or not... but for what it's worth..i'm willing to try and see it through.

happy anniversary.

ta-da!

i'm finally back in singapore! the plan to surprise jeevan went absolutely perfect. i changed my flight to one a week earlier than expected and made my way to his place this morning. the look on his face was priceless... made the weeks of trying to keep my mouth shut worth it.

my first night in singapore after 5 months away was weird.. i looked around my room and it was so surreal. i guess i got so used to my place in sydney.

i finally got to kiss my kitties!!

the kittens have become so huge. i bought the three boys collars and they look so cute in em, tho comot did his share of squirming for a while after i put it on.

i shall be spending this month helping my mum do some hardcore housework. mum has been busy with work and usually i'm the one who does stuffs like cleaning and bathing the cats. since i've been away the cats have not had a bath..but they still r utterly adorable. i spent the whole night kissing ang hugging them. and i woke up at like 6 am and found the two kittens on my bed...they miss me too!

mum says dad misses me..tho i dont see it. the first thing he said to me wen i met them at the airport was 'you put on weight!!".. dammit.

and the first thing my mum said was "why you become so dark?!"...

i just can't win. oh well. i am fat and ugly anyways.

i took the A380 for my flight..honestly no big deal. it feels the same as any other airplane. i didnt even watch any movies, wasn't really in the mood. the food sucked too. Singapore airlines never fails to serve bad food i tell you.

aisyah took qantas, hope she had a better experience.

it's raining now, i miss these tropical thunderstorms.. the storms in sydney are scary. the winds are very strong, you're better off not carrying an umbrella cause it's just gonna get destroyed.

but i miss the dryness. the humidity is horrible. the first thing i did in singapore was sweat. aaargh.

okay time to think bout what i wanna eat. KFC!!

height of euphoria

this is IT!! exams are OVER!! and that ladies and gentlemen..was semester one. after the double whammy of digital imaging and specialised rad 2 days in a row..the torture is over!
i am like so damn excited... me aisyah and syaz went to Paddy's today to shop.. bought quite alot of stuffs! we still have destinations DFO, Parammatta and maybe Auburn.. wohoooo!!
all in all...semester one was not very eventful. going for lectures Monday to Thursdays..or not. haha....doing assignments together.. taking our 3 hour breaks from studying at the staircase landing talking bout nothing at all...and towards the end we even studied together in my room. not so much to discuss but i guess we all felt vulnerable and stressed out, and we needed to be close to each other to at least feel we weren't alone in the fight.
syaz and tassha still have another paper on wednesday, good luck to them. i shall miss the girls when i'm back in singapore. after 5 months of thick and thin and stupid, i must say i've grown fond of them. they are like the sisters i didn't ask for. haha...
right now. this very moment. i just feel so damn blessed. thank you God for this wonderful wonderful experience. there are so many lil things and ways in which ive changed since coming here...and i would not give it up for anything. friends i've made here i'll always remember.. like the yanny girls azi, sobia and pauline...the tuesday soccer mates like louis, monika patel, asaf, ashish, andrew, antonia, bec...i'll miss em all!
okay why do i sound like i'm not coming back!?

through the headaches, the diarrhea, the procrastination, the RAISINS!! haha... i've made it. i have made it through and i'm so damn proud of myself. i deserve the best goddamn summer vacation there is and it's gonna start with a shit load of shopping. i swear. i need CLOTHES!!

singapore...i'm coming baaack!

haunted.

there have been alot of strange happenings in this house..and they have all been hard to explain other than the possibility that there is some kind of spirit creating mischief.
and it isnt just one of us experiencing it.. every one of us have had some kind of creepy encounter.
for one thing, anyone in the laundry room, esp aisyah, will feel very uneasy like there's someone watching her. i get that feeling when i'm in the kitchen and i swear there's someone at the staircase watching me.
of course the theory goes that it's a brand new house..so how can it be haunted right? but i don't know...
aisyah has heard a disembodied voice coming from her laptop asking if she was online... she thought it was me sending a voice clip on msn only to see that i was offline and there was no such clip.
and it's funny that those exact words "are you online," was what aisyah blurted out in my room when she woke up..but had no recollection of saying it. i have NO idea why the hell she would have said such a thing to me considering i was sitting there in front of her.
tsh has experienced her share of missing objects only to find em reappearing in places she already checked.
and me?
last night was SCARY.
i swear as i was about to sleep, and all my lights were off i heard Aisyah outside my door. It was so loud and clear that she was outside my door saying something but i could not catch wat it was. So i waited for the door to open or something..but nothing. And it was pitch black outside my door.
And as i was about to fall asleep...i heard Syaz give a blood curling scream. Only to find out... it wasn't syaz. or anyone in the house for that matter. But i SWEAR it came from in the house. and it really sounded like syaz. when i heard it i was already curled up in bed. so i just waited for some commotion to happen, maybe aisyah or tassha's voices or SOMETHING. but nothing. it was like it never happened. but i swear i heard it.
i woke up asking everyone bout the two things i heard yest night..but no one else heard it and i can't account for it. funny thing is tassha was awake the whole night and didnt hear anything.
i am creeped out.
it doesnt feel malicious or anything but STILL.

okay back to studying.

if i had only one wish..

it would be that animal abuse would cease to exist..

i just cannot take it, when i hear reports of animals being abused and killed. what could a defenceless kitten have done to make one torture it to death? it breaks my heart thinking how an animal trusts a human to feed it or comfort it, and is greeted with violence instead.
i wish i had the guts to face these cases head on and be actively involved..but even i can't bear to see it.i guess it's a different thing if i do have any control over it, like i see it actively happening. God forbid that happens cause trust me..somebody will get hurt. I have no qualms bout hitting an animal abuser straight at his balls.
Until then..all i can do is make a silent prayer every night that God helps me keep as many animals safe as possible. ..They don't deserve to die like that.
i just wanna hug my cats right now. i remember when i found my kittens at Yishun.. a part of me wanted to just leave em with their mother, cause that's the right thing to do..
but i couldn't risk walking away thinking bout all the stuff crazy ppl would do to them. and to top it off their mum was such a docile friendly cat...would have helped if she was fierce and protective.

and you know what, i think i made the right decision.

and it goes for all the cats i have rescued... they are in a safe loving home, and it's 4 less cats alone and abused out there...

dee gee taalll hellll...

i am so utterly stressed out. digital imaging exam is really getting to all of us. we have to write four 20 mark essays for the exam, in addition to the mcqs...it's one thing to grasp the concepts enough to be able to identify which histogram belongs to which image...but to EXPLAIN the concepts in TWO PAGES!?!
and don't get me started on fourier transforms...whimper whimper*
i just wanna get this over and done with. the stress is killing me!
we are not even going out to get fresh air..just cooped up at home, in these four walls...making sense of notes.
as a result i've not been eating well, throwing up every now and then and taking comfort in my usual activity my housemates are probably getting annoyed with. shall not say it.
can't wait for the 14th!!! last paper. yay yay.. then it's 3 whole months of enjoyment...going back to singapore on the 28th! ya it's not a secret anymore. the whole plan was to keep it from Jeevan so that i can surprise him when he books out. But the bugger pretty much threatened my life to know the exact date. haha... hmm..probably so that he can make sure i don't catch him red handed with his other girlfriends. the way he can't throw a surprise visit on me in case he catches me with my other boyfriends here. hehehehe...
oh well still love you the mostest darling! can't wait to see you!
miss the bear hugs, kisses and CHAPATTIS dat yr mum makes!!! aaaaaaaargh!! actually ah.. miss his mum alot. she really is the sweetest thing. i miss watching hindi soaps and movies with her, eating kacang. and whining until jeevan bought us both mangosteens cause we were craving for it. evil laugh* poor jeevan... i actually felt jealous lah when i found out she went deepavali shopping with Nisa(jeevan's younger bro's gf) and bought her bangles too!!! and they went to see shahrukh khan too!!! aaaaaaaaaaaargh! and jeevan just laughed at me when i told him bout it,saying it's my fault for being ten thousand miles away. humph.
okay i gotta stop reminiscing. back to my reality of sitting on my bed amidst a stack of notes that i don't understand, using tassha's teddy as a laptop rest. wahah..
aisyah is probably downstairs studying while listening to jay chou..
syaz studying and listening to her ipod..
tassha...eating raisins.
wait.
im eating raisins too.

OH MY GOD WE NEED A LIFE.
press on dewy presss on!! just one more week. gosh i hope i can do this.

i hate this part right here

I hate these fights.

I don't know what's wrong with you.

Why must it be this way?

Stop shouting at me, i'm not that kind of girl.

You say you love me

But go ahead and hurt me.

I know you don't mean it

But baby please stop it.

It's hard i know,

But aren't we both trying.

Someday the distance will be gone.

But the memories of fights will just stay.

Is this love conditional?

Are we keeping count?

I know you're stronger than this.

Stop messing with my head.

don't make me turn away..

i hate this part right here

I hate these fights.

I don't know what's wrong with you.

Why must it be this way?

Stop shouting at me, i'm not that kind of girl.

You say you love me

But go ahead and hurt me.

I know you don't mean it

But baby please stop it.

It's hard i know,

But aren't we both trying.

Someday the distance will be gone.

But the memories of fights will just stay.

Is this love conditional?

Are we keeping count?

I know you're stronger than this.

Stop messing with my head.

don't make me turn away..

the great divide

assignments are all over!! all that's left are a couple of weeks of school and then exams and im done for semester one!! can u believe it..how time flies.. i can't wait to go home, though of course i'd much rather have had all the cash in the world to go travelling around australia or even Fiji! but no worries, i'll still be going on a roadtrip to brisbane and melbourne with the gang in february. hopefully mum comes down to sydney in january so i can show her around too..my hands are itching to rent a car and drive around.

life here in guildford is pretty much normal..feels like home. though of course with every household there are it's squabbles and tension. just have to learn to deal. through it all im grateful to have great friends around, especially aisyah, who's practically like a young version of my mum. so maybe that's why i don't really miss home.

i bought a book last week called 'Don't be Sad', and it truly is enlightening. Using the concepts of Islam, it talks bout life in general and why we should be positive. Being a pessimistic, grumpy, bad tempered person with a super low self esteem, who is always worrying about money... i think i need the book. so far so good... loads of practical advice that i've already put into good use! especially when it comes to dealing with strange people... there are the ungrateful, the bossy, the calculative, the selfish, the unco-operative, the multi-faceted, the liars, etc etc ppl in this world...including myself at times, so i guess we all just need to learn to cast aside the bad and deal with the good.

though it does get on my nerves at times. hahhaa... why can't people just... aiyah donnolah. everyone has their idiosyncracies. is that how u spell it? haha.. main thing is..at the crux of it all, i'm happy with myself. I may not be competitive, i may not have much looks, i may not have a great sense of willpower and self... but i'm pretty much honest with myself and the people around me.really am an open book. most may call it my weakness, cause at times people use what they know about me, against me. but i don't deny what's there, i don't try to be somebody else, what you see is what you get. I may not please everyone, but the people i love are pleased with me.the real me.

and for that i'm grateful. thank you God.

this couldn't be more true..

I'm a train wreck in the morning

I'm a bitch in the afternoon

Every now and then without warning

I can be really mean towards you

I'm a puzzle yes indeed

Ever complex in every way

And all the pieces aren't even in the box

And yet, you see the picture clear as day.

I don't know why you love me

And that's why I love you

You catch me when I fall

Accept me flaws and all

And that's why I love you...

I neglect you when I'm working

When I need attention I tend to nag

I'm a host of imperfection

And you see past all that

I'm a peasant by some standards

But in your eyes I'm a queen

You see potential in all my flaws.

.

.

and that's exactly what I need...

this is it this is it!!

We are currently riding the height of assignments for this semester... with digital imaging assignment due at midnight tmr, ethics, integrated diagnosis due monday 9 am... it's crunch time!! but so far all seems good..i am just done with digital imaging..tho my lecturer must think im such an utter bimbo with all the dumb questions i asked. hehe... he is one of the weirdest funniest lecturers ive had! not ha ha funny...but such dark humour. some of the ang mohs in our class talk non stop and it's begun to annoy alot of us..so he posted a note on our online discussion board...as follows:

If you find the lecture unbearably boring it's fine to leave quietly. If it's just a bit boring then there are plenty of low noise options: do a sudoku, rearrange the contents of your nose, scratch your genitals, scratch your neighbour's genitals, put up your hand and ask a question, or just have a little nap.I am TRYING to make this UoS more fun and interesting but it's a long term project and some of the material is hard to funicate.Lastly, remember that assignment and exam marking is not a 100% objective process, and coming to ask the lecturer for help is a very subjective process.Thanks

hehe...i love this australian uni!

it's the beloved's birthday today!!! happy 22nd jeevan!! you know what my present for you is.. just have to be patient, it's all in a pile here waiting for me to bring em back to singapore for you and all the ppl i love!

we have been fighting alot the past weeks... i guess it's getting harder on us, being apart...not to mention with the now 3 hour time difference! he calls me at 3 am in the morning when im not exactly at my sweetest, and to top it all off he's exhausted too..like he said "you think i play masa-masa here in army issit?" hehe..idiot. and it's masak-masak! not masa-masa. your now melayu accent is cracking me me up lah baby. you sound exactly like some cross between a bai jaga and a mat army kental.

but regardless... i always appreciate how we always make up ten seconds after a fight and you're so patient with me even when i'm screaming down the phone. most guys would prolly have slammed down the phone and called me a bitch. hehe can't help it im just cranky.. and you always know how to make it right.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!! millions of kisses and hugs! promise we shall celebrate our 23rd birthdays together okay? have fun today, please do not get too drunk..and no strippers, not unless im there to check her out too! hahaha!!

okay i think im going nuts. stress is getting to me.

OH OH OH!! the roses i planted in the garden are all budding or blooming! i planted 4 roses in our garden when we first moved in to represent the 4 of us. Tassha was the first to bloom, a nice white rose. Next up will be mine and syaz's.. Aisyah...is a late bloomer. But wen it does! im sure it'll be damn gorgeous! just like the person...awww....

i'll post pics wen they all start blooming!

for you.

this post is for the beloved..because of what happened yesterday night, it's been on my mind the whole day. i have to get this off my chest and into words.

You have no idea how helpless i feel right now, i wish i could be there and take the pain away. When you told me what happened last night, i wanted to run back home. You tried your best to hide your pain like you always do, but i still felt it.

You know whenever i'm upset and i cry...you would always tell me that you couldn't bear to see me cry cause you feel the pain 10 times harder.. i always thought they were sweet lines every boyfriend is supposed to say.

But yesterday i realized what it meant. Your silence, the tone of your voice... i could feel such sorrow in them. And i shared the burden too..and all i could do was cry.

You will always be my pillar of strength Jeevan, the way i'm yours. You have always supported me, and been on my side. We will get through this together and i need you to know i'm proud of you. Despite what anyone might say cause of what you did, i am so very proud of you.Maybe not proud of your actions, you should know violence just doesn't solve anything.

But know this.You are a man of character. And i love you for it. You have been through so damn much your whole life, and still emerged as a strong, unselfish, big-hearted, loving man. You stuck to what you believed in, you fought for what you love, you reacted to something you could never ever condone your whole life. And despite of what happened and what he said, your heart was big enough to even feel for everyone else...bout how you would miss your brothers, bout how bad you felt.
I will always be behind you no matter what Jeevan.

I have no right to get involved, it is not my place. But i know exactly how u feel. And i know in there is a heart big enough to apologize and make things right.

I love you.

and that ladies and gentlemen..was spring break.

Sooooooooooooooooooo much have happened since i last updated.

Let's see.
First was Hari Raya or Eid as it's known here..We spent the whole of Tuesday cooking and stuffs. I cooked beef rendang, sambal goreng and nasi minyak. We even had Adabi ketupat! Tassha's grandma gave a variety of kueh, of which i ate most of the pineapple tarts. The gang came over on Wednesday, and it really felt like Hari Raya. Played raya songs the whole day, and even made a music video like those tacky ones you always see.me and the food


our lovely house




and then! came our Shark Island outing on Friday...we took a ferry to the island, thinking it prolly has loads of picnic-ers there..but we ended up being the ONLY ppl on the island until like an hour later.. cool or what!?! it's this small rocky island off the sydney harbour, with a great view of the bridge and opera house. We waded around among the pools of water, but the rocks had sharp barnacles on them tho. I tore my yoga pants in the process. sadnesss...
it really was worth every bit of the 17 bucks cause the ferry ride itself was so fantastic. Really felt that THAT was the kind of sydney experience i was hoping for! I was already satisfied with that outing as a birthday treat for myself...

BUT.

my birthday just got better.

received a package from the dearest...had a good laugh opening it up when i saw a mass of facial cotton pads used as packaging material. haha...
he gave me a pair of gorgeous swarvoski crystal earrings! and it was so sweet that the earrings were suitable for sensitive skin! he remembered! hehe...

then came a card from Hafiz! with 50 aussie bucks in it!! hehehe mmmmwax!! the letter meant so so much to me. thank you fiz...

mummy sent me a card and a gorgeous dragonfly necklace and earrings set...and an amber pendant too. i loved the card, she drew little cartoons of my cat and the fishes...haha

AND THEN.

the morning of my birthday...came a knock on my door, as i was dyeing aisyah's hair..
it was a huge ass box of long stemmed south american pink roses with chocolates too!!!
it was from mummy too!! actually not really lah.. mum gave Mervin, auntie nancy's son who lives in sydney, money to surprise me with something...and he chose the roses and chocolates.. so sweet!! Love it love it love it!!

so the plan that night was for 4 of us to dress up and look good and have dinner in the house... so i wore my brand new copper dress which i bought last week...and the girls shut me up in the room , not letting me go downstairs..so i sort of knew something was up, was thinking they probably cooked something special.
so i sat in my room looking like a fat cow in the dress actually, and talked to jeevan on webcam!! he finally bought one! saw his face after three freaking months.. my birthday just could not get better.

But it did.

Finally i went downstairs, carrying the laptop so jeevan could see everything..and saw the three girls in silly party hats and tassha was barbequeing chicken outside! then i heard a meow!! and HUDA popped out of the laundry room!! and then BENNY AND MAX popped out too!! hhahah... it was just so fantastic..

we ate and talked and laughed, and even put a party hat on the laptop so that jeevan could join in the fun. haha...

then the fireworks came on. that's when i thought oh. my.god. fireworks...on my freaking birthday!
we played with sparklers too....
and just when i thought the night had come to an end...the girls made me sit down in front of the comp...and showed me a video on youtube. it was a video they had made just for me!!
i seriously wanted to cry...

thanks so much girls for everything... and everyone who sent me stuffs.. appreciate it so so much!! my 22nd birthday was so fantastic cause of all of you.. love you all so much.